Because care doesn’t mean enabling and love shouldn’t come second to their to-do list
Loving a workaholic can feel like being in a relationship with their job. You watch them go from meeting to meeting, always on their phone, constantly “just finishing one more thing.” You want to be supportive, but it’s hard not to feel left behind, emotionally shut out, or even a little resentful.
The truth is, many workaholics aren’t trying to push people away—they’re caught in a cycle of stress, pressure, and identity that’s deeply wired into their sense of purpose. Your role isn’t to fix them. But you can offer meaningful support that protects both your relationship and your own well-being.
Here’s how to start.
Understand What Drives Them
Workaholism isn’t just about long hours—it’s about the underlying beliefs. For many people, work is tied to their self-worth, sense of control, or fear of failure. Knowing what’s fueling their behavior helps you lead with empathy, not frustration.
Ask yourself:
- Are they chasing approval?
- Do they equate rest with laziness?
- Are they avoiding something by staying busy?
Understanding the “why” doesn’t excuse the behavior, but it helps you approach them with compassion instead of criticism.
Respect Their Commitment—But Set Boundaries
You don’t have to compete with their job, but you also don’t have to come second to it every day. Support looks like understanding and protecting your own needs.
You might say:
“I respect how much you care about your work, but I miss quality time with you.”
or
“I know you have deadlines, but I need us to make room for connection too.”
Make it a conversation, not an ultimatum. Boundaries aren’t punishment—they’re clarity.
Offer Connection, Not Correction
It’s tempting to say, “You need to take a break,” or “You’re working too much,” but this can put a workaholic on the defensive. Instead of telling them what to do, invite them into moments of presence.
Try:
- “Want to take a walk with me before dinner?”
- “I made tea—join me for 10 minutes?”
- “Let’s put our phones away and catch up.”
You’re not nagging—you’re creating space for a different rhythm, even briefly.
Celebrate Breaks Without Guilt
If they do step away from work, resist the urge to joke about how rare it is. Reinforce the behavior with positivity, not sarcasm. Let them know it’s safe to rest around you.
Say things like:
- “It’s really nice having you here tonight.”
- “I love seeing you relax.”
- “You deserve this downtime.”
Small affirmations go a long way toward rewriting their internal script.
Protect Your Own Energy
Being close to a workaholic can be emotionally exhausting. Don’t lose yourself in trying to pull them back to balance. Make sure you have outlets, joy, support, and healthy routines outside the relationship.
It’s okay to step back when you’re stretched thin. Supporting someone else starts with showing up for yourself first.
Know When to Suggest Outside Help
Sometimes, chronic overworking is a sign of deeper struggles—like anxiety, perfectionism, or even trauma. If it’s impacting their health, relationships, or sense of identity, they may benefit from talking to a therapist or coach.
You can gently suggest:
- “Have you ever talked to someone about how stressed you are lately?”
- “I wonder if there’s support out there that could help you feel less pressure.”
Plant the seed, but let them take the lead.
Support Isn’t About Changing Them—It’s About Showing Up with Boundaries
Being there for a workaholic isn’t about managing their calendar or begging them to slow down. It’s about loving them as they are, while making space for healthier patterns to emerge. Your care, presence, and honesty might not change them overnight—but it might be the anchor they didn’t know they needed.