There’s a people pleaser (or two) in every friend group. While this personality trait might seem harmless, it can end up doing some damage. If this is something you struggle with, here are a few tips to help you stop people pleasing.
Setting healthy boundaries for yourself can be so difficult. Especially if you weren’t taught how to do it growing up. Many people find that people pleasing comes naturally to them while setting healthy boundaries feels both unnatural and cruel. The fact is, if you want other people to respect you and your time, you have to show them how. Teach by example.
Make a list of the things going on in your life that make you feel used or unhappy. From there, you can begin to identify what needs to change. Practice saying ‘no’ when you feel like someone is taking advantage of your time or your kindness. Remember, it’s not selfish to take care of yourself.
Spend Time Alone
A great way to connect with yourself is to spend time alone. When you’re alone, there’s no one to people please. You only have yourself to listen to which means you don’t have to worry about worry about what others will think. When you spend time alone, it helps you better understand your own thoughts, feelings and needs. Getting to know yourself better will also help you define your limits and boundaries further. Alone time is truly essential for your mental health.
Listen to Your Intuition
People pleasing stops when you start listening to your intuition. An article written by Kim for ccbhc.org explains by saying, “If you want to stop being a people-pleaser, then start listening to what your inner voice is telling you. This voice may be telling you that certain people are toxic and that they aren’t worth it. You could also use meditation as a way of strengthening your inner voice so that it doesn’t get drowned out by the loud voices of those around you. Meditation can help give clarity on what your true desires are and how to achieve them more easily on your own.”
Be Honest about your Feelings
Be straightforward about how you’re feeling with the people in your life. Let them know if you feel like you’re being taken advantage of. Sometimes people aren’t even aware that they’re doing something that bothers you. Stand up for yourself and you’ll be surprised at how your relationships change.
Somewhere along the way, prioritizing yourself became something to feel bad and ashamed about. Self-care became selfish and many people have suffered because of it. It’s time to change the narrative. Prioritizing yourself and your mental health above other people is not only healthy, it’s necessary to leading a happy life. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for taking care of yourself.
People pleasing can be extremely damaging long-term. When you communicate your needs and boundaries, you’re setting yourself up for happiness.