You’ve probably already broken your New Year’s resolution. It’s January 4th, and that gym membership is feeling like a waste of money, the meal prep plan collapsed after one attempt, and the promise to “read more” died somewhere between Netflix and exhaustion.
Here’s why: resolutions are demanding. They create rigid expectations, binary outcomes (success or failure), and a nagging sense of shame when reality doesn’t cooperate. “There’s something that’s a bit demanding about resolutions,” says Dr. Christopher W.T. Miller, an associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Maryland School of Medicine. “It automatically creates an expectation.”
But there’s a gentler alternative gaining traction among therapists and psychologists: nudge words.
What Nudge Words Actually Do
A nudge word is exactly what it sounds like — a single word meant to guide your mindset and actions over the coming year. Instead of “lose 20 pounds” or “go to the gym five times a week,” you might choose “vitality” or “balance” or “clarity.” It’s a touchstone you return to when making decisions, a North Star rather than a checklist.
John Sovec, a therapist in Pasadena, California, treats his birthday each December as an opportunity to reflect on the year ahead. He settles on three nudge words that capture what he wants to invite into the New Year. “They’re not punishing words, they’re not negative words, and they’re not words that are going to shut you down,” he says.
Sovec creates a calendar alert so every morning at 8:30, his nudge words flash onto his screen. “When it pops up, I take a moment, repeat them to myself, and breathe them into my body,” he explains. “I’ll just close my eyes, sit with them for that moment, and really allow it to be like, ‘OK, this is what my day is going to be like.'”
Why Resolutions Fail (And Words Don’t)
The psychology is straightforward. Traditional resolutions demand specific behavioral changes that fight against your existing habits and automatic systems. You’re asking your brain to override patterns it’s spent years perfecting. When you inevitably slip — and you will, because you’re human — the entire structure collapses.
Research backs this up. Studies show that approach-oriented goals outperform avoidance goals, meaning “I want more vitality in my life” works better than “I want to stop being so tired.” The former opens possibilities; the latter fixates on what you lack.
Nudge words operate differently. They’re fluid, adaptable, and forgiving. If your word is “peaceful” and you have a chaotic day, you don’t fail — you simply notice where peace was absent and make different choices tomorrow. Miller notes that a nudge word “is meant to be harmonizing and centering and help us feel grounded.”
How to Choose Your Word
Bonnie Settlage, a clinical psychologist and faculty member at Saybrook University, suggests thinking beyond surface-level goals. Many New Year’s resolutions center on health and wellness, but she prefers focusing on “vitality” — the energy and enthusiasm that contribute to a feeling of aliveness. Resolving to quit smoking or lose weight is “shame-based and rooted in avoidance,” she explains. “It’s more motivating to think, ‘I want more of life — more vitality — in my existence.'”
Other popular nudge words include “clarity” (when your mind is muddled and you’re overwhelmed by decisions), “grateful” (which immediately lifts mood when you reflect on it), “balance” (as a counterweight to overwork), and “peaceful” (acknowledging what you can and cannot control).
The key is choosing a word that resonates emotionally, not intellectually. You’re not trying to solve a problem. You’re identifying a quality you want to embody more often.
The 8:30 AM Reminder
The most important part isn’t choosing the word — it’s integrating it into your daily life. Sovec’s calendar alert is one approach. Others write their word on Post-it notes stuck to bathroom mirrors, set it as their phone lock screen, or keep it in a visible spot on their desk.
The repetition matters. Research on implementation intentions shows that people who create specific “if-then” plans are about three times more likely to succeed than those who rely on motivation alone. A nudge word functions similarly — it’s a pre-decision that shapes behavior without requiring constant willpower.
When Miller chose “balance” as one of his nudge words, it gave him permission to step back when work became overwhelming. After a long day, he might tell himself: “I’m tired; I’m going to go to sleep. This problem will still be here tomorrow.”
That’s not failure. That’s living according to your values rather than someone else’s checklist.
Why This Works Now
We’re entering 2026 after years of collective exhaustion, uncertainty, and pressure to optimize every aspect of our lives. The idea of adding more rigid goals to an already overstuffed schedule feels suffocating.
Nudge words offer something different: gentle guidance instead of harsh judgment. They acknowledge that change happens incrementally, that some days will feel more aligned than others, and that progress isn’t always linear.
You’re not setting yourself up to fail by February. You’re giving yourself a framework for the entire year — one that bends without breaking, adapts without collapsing, and reminds you daily what actually matters.
So skip the resolution. Pick a word. See what happens.